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Which one has the greater power to derail us from achieving our goals: our circumstances or our thinking? Kim Ades, president and founder of Frame of Mind Coaching, says the latter.
“Unequivocally, the beliefs we have—the way we think—is really what prevents people from reaching their goals,” says Kim in episode 38 of the Leadercast Podcast.
In this episode, we chat with Kim—who is also an author, speaker, entrepreneur, coach and mom of five—about the influence our thinking has on whether or not we achieve our goals, why empathy really isn’t something leaders should strive for, what to do when our ideas are met with resistance, parenting secrets and more. Read on for a look inside the episode, and listen to it in its entirety above or via the links at the bottom of this page.
Your Thinking Is the to Your Success
A person's thinking has a greater impact on their outcomes than any other contributing factor, says Kim. “If I could line up a person's thinking with their goals, then I could literally be putting them on the runway for them to just take off,” she explains.
If a person's thinking isn't lined up with their goals then, no matter how much action they take, they still won't reach their goals. “Not only does thinking impact whether or not you take action, [it] impacts the success of the action itself,” says Kim.
Leaders think in all kinds of ways. What they should pay attention to is whether their thinking lines up with their goals and desires. “We want to make sure leaders are thinking in ways that allow them to easily reach their goals,” she shares.
For example, if you’re focused on a problem, you’re focused on the difficulty or the challenge. You aren’t thinking about the solution. “You can't solve a problem when you're focused on the problem. You can only solve a problem when you're focused on the solution,” explains Kim.
Your Thinking Impacts Others
The way we think impacts the way we communicate, and the way we communicate impacts our teams. Kim shares stats to consider: 38 percent of our communication happens through voice and tone, 55 percent happens through body language and actions, and 7 percent happens through the words we use.
“The way we think affects how we show up, how we behave, how we interact, how we communicate,” Kim says.
But here’s the thing: We shouldn’t think with empathy; we should think with compassion. Empathy means if we see a person drowning, we’ll share their panic and drown alongside them. Compassion means if we see a person drowning, we’ll understand their needs and take actions to help them.
Leaders who change their course from empathy to compassion find out how to become cheerleaders. “As a coach, I am a cheerleader,” shares Kim. “I am on the side of my clients in all situations. If you are my employee, I want your well-being inside or outside of my organization.” Leaders who think compassionately will help employees leave if it isn’t a good fit. They will be invested in discovering how to help that employee thrive.
You Can Transform Your Thinking
Kim remembers an executive vice president she coached who was devastated to learn she wasn’t being considered for the role of president. The problem, Kim says, was that the EVP never communicated she wanted the role.
This client’s thinking kept her from success, but she took the first step to transformation by learning what she failed to do. “The way we change our thinking is first by becoming aware of what is unconscious to us,” Kim shares. “We all have beliefs that we are unaware of, that we wrap our arms around for some reason. The minute we become aware of that thing we're doing to ourselves, we're able to change it.”
To become much more aware of the beliefs you have that are getting in your way, write answers to these two questions:
Look at what you wrote for the second question and think about how you can view it differently. “Understand that those reasons reflect your beliefs, and start asking yourself, ‘Is there a way I can challenge some of those reasons?’”
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Connect with Kim on LinkedIn and follow her on Twitter, @kimades. Visit Frame of Mind Coaching’s website to sign up for a complimentary coaching call.
Listen to our full interview with Kim by subscribing to the Leadercast Podcast on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Google Play or Stitcher.